Friday, November 18, 2016

I Still Miss You.

I can't believe that it's been a year. 

I wish you were here to hold my little girl like you held me. You'd love her so much. I can just hear you say, "Well, HI Ellie!" -with just as much excitement as you would say, "Well, HI Abby!" 

I find comfort knowing that her first breath was in the same place that you took your last.

And it feels like you knew it was time- just the right time to pass the title of Grandpa on to my dad. 

But, I still miss you like crazy. And wish you were here. But know that your love continues on, on to a new generation. And that you are remembered. And cherished. And loved. More than anything. 


Monday, November 14, 2016

Family Date Night

After a week at home with baby girl, I was getting a little stir crazy, so Hubbs suggested we go out for dinner Saturday night- and I jumped at the chance!

The weather was gorgeous- so we headed out a little early, right before sunset, to walk around Sequiota Park. Crazy side note- there was a shooting there just an hour after we left. And this is in the nice part of town. Crazy- what is Springfield coming to? 

Baby girl did great in the wrap. I love having her close to me and being able to get out and about like this!




After our trip to the park, we went to Great American Taco Company for dinner. Baby girl slept the entire time. She's too good to us. Great American Taco Company is the last place I ate before I found out I was pregnant- my bestie and I stopped there on a girl's night. Good memories. 

We started with queso and tried a few different salsas. Their tacos are huge, but thankfully they have mini sizes now. So I had two small tacos- Hawaiian Tuna and Vegetarian. They were delicious! Hubbs had the Smothered Beef and Bean Burrito. I snagged a few bites, and it was tasty too. 




Such a fun night- and a great first family date out with my new little family. I'm so excited for all of our future outings to come! 

Friday, November 11, 2016

Mom Fails

Being a mom is sure keeping me on my toes. It's a life I wasn't sure I wanted a few years ago, but now I'm loving every single minute of it... even the crazy ones. I thought I'd share these as they come up- maybe you'll get a good laugh out of them like I have- and maybe it'll provide some comfort that you aren't alone when you have crazy moments like these.


So far this sums it up.... I went shopping last night and bought more sweatpants. Mom life?


Scary Mommy: An honest look at motherhood | The Best Motherhood E-Cards | http://www.scarymommy.com:


And here's what I've learned....


1. Not all bottles are created equal.
One night, I made baby girl a bottle. She was drinking like a champ, but milk was going everywhere! I couldn't figure out why it was all such a mess.... Turns out I had just opened a package of bottles for 4-6 month olds. I knew bottles were different sizes, but I had no idea there were different nipples for different ages. Poor kid! No wonder she couldn't keep up.


2. Mom ears are sensitive.
3 am one night, I hear baby girl crying- my husband has her out in the living room. So, I drag myself out of bed, grab my boppy and head to feed her. I walk into the living room, and my husband gives me a really confused look. Baby girl was dead asleep. Dear old hubbs had been playing videos of her from the hospital- which apparently included her crying. I heard and thought she needed to be fed. Hubbs is lucky I have a good sense of humor. He may have lost his life that night otherwise.


3. When you feel like you need to pump, pump.
Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And definitely do not make a bathroom stop, with your shirt off, prior to a pumping you've been putting off far too long. Milk will start streaming out of you while you are sitting on the toilet. Hubbs will have to run to get your pumping supplies so you can try to save some of this precious liquid gold. But, hey, you will laugh hard.


4. And don't forget all the parts.
Prior to turning on your breast pump, make sure there aren't any parts missing... you know, like the bottles that collect the milk. Otherwise, you will look down to find two huge, wet spots of breast milk on your pants. And realize that you have no bottles nearby, and that milk is just pumping all down the front of you.


These moments are hilarious. They keep me going- wondering what the heck is going to happen next. Keep the good times coming!

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

The World I Want For You

I'm not a very political person. I hate talking about politics. I almost didn't vote. I tend to think that no matter what we do, it doesn't matter. We'll hate whoever is elected into office anyways, and they just really won't do much. I tend to keep all opinions to myself. Your vote is a personal matter. It doesn't need to be shared on social media, with everyone who will listen, etc. I hate the drama it causes. I hate the nonstop ads. I hate the division it brings.

And today, I realized that it matters a little more to me.

All I can to do today is sit and look at my baby girl. All I can think about are the things that I want for her.

I want a world full of peace. I want her to be safe. No fear of wars or conflict- no riots, gun violence, or terrorism.

I want a world full of love and acceptance. Respect for others even if they look differently, think differently, believe differently, etc. I want everyone to feel embraced, empowered, and important.

I want her to feel like she can grow up to do anything. That nothing will hold her back. I want her to feel important, for who she is.

I want a world where we all work together instead of against each other. Where differing opinions are heard, respected, and where we can compromise and come together to make the world a better place for all of us.

I want her to be happy. I want her to be free.

I'm not sure what lies ahead. Change is scary. But, more than anything, I hope that this is the life my baby girl has- that this is the world she grows up in. I know it won't be all these things- the world is still a rough place, but I will do my best to make her world all of these things- full of love, safety, security, happiness, acceptance, and respect. Because she is my world, and she is the most important thing to me.

Tuesday, November 1, 2016

Birth Story

I'm not one for sharing a lot of personal details, but I wanted to document our story somehow, so here it is.

At our 38 week appointment, my blood pressure was high, so they sent me to Labor & Delivery to make sure I wasn't developing preeclampsia. By the time I got there, my blood pressure was going down, and I assumed it was just a fluke.

So, we went to our 39 week appointment the following week. I had been having contractions pretty regularly, mucus plug was coming out, so I knew we were close. I was 3 cm dilated, 70% effaced. Right off the bat, my blood pressure was high again. I was not a happy camper. Our doctor told us to go have lunch, then head to L&D because we were having a baby today.

Number one, I had no idea how to comprehend that. We ate lunch at Haruno, our favorite sushi place, and I couldn't do anything but sit there in shock and disbelief. Number two, I was pretty darn upset that I was being induced. It was the one thing, next to a c-section, that I absolutely did not want. But, I was ready to have baby girl in my arms.

We headed to the hospital and started the drugs. We figured this was going to be an all night process, so we didn't tell anyone we were being induced until they broke my water. One of my worst nightmares was everyone waiting at the hospital and hearing me push a kid out. No, thank you!! They had been ramping up the pitocin for a few hours- and I could barely feel the contractions. I had been feeling them more on my own the day before!

We called all our family to fill them in and then, they broke my water. I went to the bathroom, but by the time I was done, I was in so much pain I could barely walk back to the bed. I tried to sit on the birthing ball- which had been a big part of my plan, but it wasn't cutting it. I crawled back into bed and asked for some pain meds via iv. Well, they didn't get to it fast enough, and I was in so much pain and knew this labor could last for hours- so I asked for an epidural for relief. Best choice I've ever made. They administered it around 7 pm. Within an hour, I had dilated to 7 cm, 100% effaced.

At 9 pm, I was at 9 1/2 cm, and ready to start pushing. I was amazed at how darn fast it all went. I didn't even have time to take it all in. Baby girl was ready to be here!!

So, I started pushing at 9 pm. My husband helped hold my legs and did a great job encouraging me. We made a little progress but not much. Baby girl couldn't make it over my pelvic bone... knew she'd have her dad's head LOL. After two hours of pushing, things were starting to get serious. My bladder was swelling from the catheter, and the baby was starting to get hot. I was beginning to panic because I knew this could lead to c-section, which was my worst nightmare.

So, they decided to use the vacuum. We only had three tries, so I pushed my damn hardest on the first try- and they used the vacuum and gave me an episiotomy, and out she came!! We wanted her placed on my stomach immediately and to delay the cord cutting, but the cord was so short, they couldn't get her on my stomach, so Ben cut the cord pretty quickly.

And then she was on my chest. And the waterworks wouldn't stop. I couldn't believe she was actually here!! I could feel some sharp tugs as they stitched me up and when they pushed out the placenta, but I had her in my arms, and they could have sawed off a leg and I wouldn't have cared.

She's here- it's not quite how I planned- but she's here, and she's beautiful. And we're the happiest people on the face of this planet.