Identity Crisis

I'm just going to be real here- man, I am struggling this week. I feel like my whole world is up in the air. I don't know what the plan is, what my future holds, or what exactly I want it to hold. And that's scaring the crap out of me.

I'm pushing myself. Putting myself out there. Having difficult conversations. Telling people what I want. It's scary.

And, I've realized I'm scared of change. I think it's partially because I love where I'm at so much, but at the same time- I want to grow. And I'm not sure I can grow if I stay where I'm at. And then I question myself- worried that I'm being irrational and impatient. It's a roller coaster of emotions over here.

And then I came across this article: The career advice I wish I had at 25.

One of the points of this article is to de-prioritize your career when you have young children. I'm a mother now. I have no idea what that means. Calling myself a mother still feels weird. Unfamiliar. I don't know what I'm doing, but I'm loving every second of it. But I do know that my daughter is the most important thing to me. And all I want to do is soak up moments with her. It's already passing way too quickly.

My head has been spinning for days. I just need to rest, relax, figure out who I am and what direction I want to head- but I'm scared.

So sore...

It felt so good to hit the gym again yesterday! I forgot that it was January and was surprised by how full the gym was. I usually never have to share. And, I found myself being a little self conscious about my post baby body, but I'm excited to start working away at it. On the positive side though- thanks for the cleavage, baby girl! :)

I decided to tackle the abs since that's my complaint spot. My belly has always been a little flabby and this post baby pooch has been bugging me. I eased myself in with a 10 min Sworkit that incorporated yoga and ab work. Then, I did some leg weight machines for 10 min. I am SO sore today. 

I'm excited to get back in the habit of going to the gym, but I'm still trying to take it easy since I'm breastfeeding and struggle with getting enough calories to begin with. My focus is going to be on weight training, yoga, and one run a week. We'll see how it goes! 

Cozy Weekend

All I want to do every second of every day is this....

So that's what most of the weekend consisted of- soaking up snuggles from my baby girl. Plus this snowy, cold weather makes it a must!

We did get out Saturday morning- headed to Common Grounds for coffee with the besties. Perfect start to the weekend! Photo credit to Sarah since I had a baby in my arms. :) 

Then. Saturday night we went to Red Lobster for family date night. We normally don't eat at chain restaurants like this, but we received a gift card for Christmas. I have to say, their food isn't as good as I remember. The coconut shrimp was pretty good- but the rest was pretty mediocre. 

Sunday was weird, not watching the Vikings. Football season went by way too quickly this year. And now it's Monday and back to work- trying to get the new routine down. 

Stay tuned for lots of travel posts this year. We've made some big changes that are allowing Hubbs and Babygirl to come along with me on nearly every trip. I'm so excited to have travel buddies! We're kicking off travel season at the end of January by heading to Dallas. And things get crazy from there- we'll be on the road every other week. Should be interesting with a 4 month old! I can't wait! 

I'm Back!

Okay, so I decided to really savor maternity leave, and the blogger app started acting up, so no posts until now. It was great to really just relax and stock up on as many baby snuggles as I possibly could the last couple of months.

I'm back at work full-time this week, and I have to say, even though I miss being away from baby girl, I feel like I'm back. I feel complete again. I feel like ME again. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my baby, and I loved being home with her- but I missed my job. I missed working out. I missed my routine. 

I hit the gym for the first time today. Baby stopped by for a quick snack while running errands with dad, so I only had 20 min and decided to break myself in on the weights. I surprised myself a little bit with how much I could still do. But there was one machine where I was like - holy cow this feels weird now! Hello, baby body. 

Anyways- stay tuned for more. Lots of travels coming up this spring, and I'm so excited for all these new adventures with my little family!

I Still Miss You.

I can't believe that it's been a year. 

I wish you were here to hold my little girl like you held me. You'd love her so much. I can just hear you say, "Well, HI Ellie!" -with just as much excitement as you would say, "Well, HI Abby!" 

I find comfort knowing that her first breath was in the same place that you took your last.

And it feels like you knew it was time- just the right time to pass the title of Grandpa on to my dad. 

But, I still miss you like crazy. And wish you were here. But know that your love continues on, on to a new generation. And that you are remembered. And cherished. And loved. More than anything. 

Family Date Night

After a week at home with baby girl, I was getting a little stir crazy, so Hubbs suggested we go out for dinner Saturday night- and I jumped at the chance!

The weather was gorgeous- so we headed out a little early, right before sunset, to walk around Sequiota Park. Crazy side note- there was a shooting there just an hour after we left. And this is in the nice part of town. Crazy- what is Springfield coming to? 

Baby girl did great in the wrap. I love having her close to me and being able to get out and about like this!

After our trip to the park, we went to Great American Taco Company for dinner. Baby girl slept the entire time. She's too good to us. Great American Taco Company is the last place I ate before I found out I was pregnant- my bestie and I stopped there on a girl's night. Good memories. 

We started with queso and tried a few different salsas. Their tacos are huge, but thankfully they have mini sizes now. So I had two small tacos- Hawaiian Tuna and Vegetarian. They were delicious! Hubbs had the Smothered Beef and Bean Burrito. I snagged a few bites, and it was tasty too. 

Such a fun night- and a great first family date out with my new little family. I'm so excited for all of our future outings to come! 

Mom Fails

Being a mom is sure keeping me on my toes. It's a life I wasn't sure I wanted a few years ago, but now I'm loving every single minute of it... even the crazy ones. I thought I'd share these as they come up- maybe you'll get a good laugh out of them like I have- and maybe it'll provide some comfort that you aren't alone when you have crazy moments like these.


So far this sums it up.... I went shopping last night and bought more sweatpants. Mom life?

And here's what I've learned....


1. Not all bottles are created equal.
One night, I made baby girl a bottle. She was drinking like a champ, but milk was going everywhere! I couldn't figure out why it was all such a mess.... Turns out I had just opened a package of bottles for 4-6 month olds. I knew bottles were different sizes, but I had no idea there were different nipples for different ages. Poor kid! No wonder she couldn't keep up.


2. Mom ears are sensitive.
3 am one night, I hear baby girl crying- my husband has her out in the living room. So, I drag myself out of bed, grab my boppy and head to feed her. I walk into the living room, and my husband gives me a really confused look. Baby girl was dead asleep. Dear old hubbs had been playing videos of her from the hospital- which apparently included her crying. I heard and thought she needed to be fed. Hubbs is lucky I have a good sense of humor. He may have lost his life that night otherwise.


3. When you feel like you need to pump, pump.
Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars. And definitely do not make a bathroom stop, with your shirt off, prior to a pumping you've been putting off far too long. Milk will start streaming out of you while you are sitting on the toilet. Hubbs will have to run to get your pumping supplies so you can try to save some of this precious liquid gold. But, hey, you will laugh hard.


4. And don't forget all the parts.
Prior to turning on your breast pump, make sure there aren't any parts missing... you know, like the bottles that collect the milk. Otherwise, you will look down to find two huge, wet spots of breast milk on your pants. And realize that you have no bottles nearby, and that milk is just pumping all down the front of you.


These moments are hilarious. They keep me going- wondering what the heck is going to happen next. Keep the good times coming!